“Marry In The Lord” Genesis 24:1-9 September 20, 2009

SI: We’ve been studying the life of Abraham, Genesis chapters 12-25.

He’s called the father of those who believe.

His life is a pattern of faith in Christ.

We’re nearing the end of Abraham’s story.

This chapter is about the last great task of Abraham’s life—

a task he entrusted to his most loyal servant—getting a wife for Isaac.

We’re going to spend two Sundays on this. Start with first nine verses.

INTRO: When I was going away to college, my mother kept dropping hints

that I needed to meet a girl named Michelle. She was the daughter of some

old friends of my folks. And she was going to be a freshman too.

I knew mother was trying to plan my future,

and I also knew that she would not let up

until there was some satisfactory news about Michelle.

So I found Michelle the first few weeks of college, and introduced myself,

and I spent some time getting to know her and I soon discovered my way out.

The key that would lock the door forever on the Michelle Siegenthaler project.

When I came home for Thanksgiving, mother worked their old friends into

the conversation and then casually asked if I had met Michelle.

She was surprised when I said that I had met her and had spend some time with her.

Oh, mother said, is she a cute girl? Yes, she’s a tall redhead.

Then I dropped the bomb: Mother, I’ve also found her to be very, very moody.

And in that moment, I had the rare delight of seeing mother at a loss for words.

Because one of the other instructions she had for me when I went to college was—

I’ve told you this before—Son, don’t marry a moody girl.

So there was this internal struggle between my mother’s desire and her principles.

And finally her principles won out and she said something like,

Well, we can’t have that!

And she never bugged me about Michelle again.

We all have opinions about who people should choose for a spouse,

and what makes people compatible, and how old they should be,

and how long they should date, or be engaged,

and when people should get married, and when they should wait.

Just this week someone was telling me about a couple they know.

They want to get married, but she has another year or two of college,

and her parents are saying wait.

That reminds me of a recent article in Christianity Today.

Was about the problems caused by postponing marriage for things like education.

And how Christians should re-think the way we’ve bought into this value that says,

don’t get married until you finish your education.

I’m sure we could get into some very interesting discussions and arguments

about what we think is best.

If you know the rest of Genesis 24, (we’ll read it next Sunday),

you know that Abraham’s servant finds a wife for Isaac. He finds Rebecca.

She was in her early teens.

Do you know how old Isaac was? He was 40.

What do you think about that?

A 40 year old man marrying a 15 year old virgin?

I’m sure we could get into some very opinionated discussions about that.

There was a man in seminary with me who was in his early 20s.

He married a woman who had been his teacher in jr. high.

He was walking around campus with her and we couldn’t figure out who she was.

We could tell she wasn’t quite old enough to be his mother.

But the way he had his arm around her, we were hoping she wasn’t his sister.

When we found out the whole story, we had lots of opinions about that!

We wondered if it would hurt him in getting a church.

But in spite of all of the factors that we think are required or necessary

for marriage, you can search the Bible high and low and you will not find any

commands about how old you have to be to get married, or similarity of age,

or compatibility of personalities, or common interests, or length of courtship.

The Bible also says nothing and implies nothing

about marrying within your race or within your social or economic class.

The Bible gives lots of wisdom that illuminates these things—but no commands.

There is only one command that the Bible gives regarding the choice of a spouse.

It’s first expressed by Abraham, in these verses, and then it is repeated over and

over in a variety of different forms throughout the Bible.

Believers must marry in the Lord. Christians must marry Christians.

Swear to me, Abraham says to his chief servant, by the Lord, the God of heaven and

earth. Put your hand under my thigh and swear to me (like hand on Bible),

that you will not get a wife for Isaac from among the Canaanites—

but that you will get him a wife from my people.

Not stated, but reason is clear and even more clearly spelled out later.

It’s because Canaanites weren’t believers, but Abraham’s family knew the Lord.

That desire of Abraham was the will of God not just for Isaac,

but for all believers and their children throughout redemptive history.

Because to marry in the Lord is an act of faith in the covenant promises of God.

This is a matter of huge importance that has repercussions for generations.

The Lord, in his grace, has made it know to us.

So let’s look at this passage and this subject under three points.

1. The reason Christians must marry in the Lord.

2. The warnings against marrying outside the faith.

3. How you must trust God in order to obey this commandment

MP#1 The reason Christians must marry in the Lord.

We could just say—Because God commands it.

This command is stated negatively throughout the Old Testament.

Do not marry the pagan people around you.

Do not give your daughters to their sons and do not take their daughters

to be your sons’ wives.

You find that command in Deuteronomy, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Malachi.

It’s also implied in 2 Corinthians when Paul says not to be unequally yoked.

And we get the positive phrase that believers must “marry in the Lord”

from 1 Corinthians 7.

But why has God given this command? What’s the deeper reason?

Christians must marry in the Lord because God delights in pouring out his grace

along the lines of generations.

He pours out his grace on our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren

to a thousand generations of those who love him.

Marriage is the context of parenthood.

And parenthood is the primary means of grace by which children are born

within the covenant and then brought to faith in Christ and taught

to love God and his laws.

So by marrying in the Lord, Christians are taking an important step to ensure

the continuation of God’s covenant in the generations that are to come

long after we are gone.

Look at the way Abraham expressed this. Look at verse 7 again:

“The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, ‘To our offspring I will give this land . . .’

Who was Abraham concerned for? Not just for Isaac.

He was not just concerned that Isaac make a good marriage to a believing girl.

He was looking beyond Isaac to his offspring yet unborn. Future generations.

Abraham was thinking about God’s promise to give his offspring the land.

We know from our study of Abraham over these months that Abraham

knew that the land was more than the land of Canaan. He was looking for

the city with foundations. Remember Hebrews 11?

Abraham was looking forward by faith to the inheritance of heaven

and redeemed creation. He knew that from his side of that covenant promise,

he had to do all he could to ensure a line of believers.

And through that, blessings flow to generations.

And through those generations of believers God’s kingdom is advanced,

and the nations are blessed through the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

That’s huge, isn’t it? We don’t usually think that way.

We don’t look at a marriage and then look with eyes of faith down

through future generations yet unborn.

For us marriage is so immediate. It’s just about the couple, and their happiness.

And then when children come along, they are part of the mix.

But Abraham by faith said: I’m going to continue a line that will bless the world.

You’ve heard the name Jonathan Edwards, I’m sure. He was America’s greatest

theologian, leader of the first Great Awakening. Born around 1700.

He was 20 when he fell in love with Sarah Pierrepont. She was (ahem) 13.

He was painfully formal, did not know how to be romantic, wanted to always

pull her off into serious conversations. She was beautiful, popular, life of party.

But they had this in common—both loved Jesus, utterly devoted to him.

After courting four years, they got married and had 3 sons and 8 daughters.

And their home was full of faith.

About 200 years later, in 1900, there was a study of all known descendants

of Jonathan and Sarah and this is what that study found.

66 physicians, 30 judges, 100 attorneys, 65 college professors, 13 college presidents, 3 mayors of large cities, 3 U.S. senators, one President of the U.S.

And the study also found “platoons” of descendants in the pastoral ministry,

and over 100 foreign missionaries.

Through this obedient marriage of a Christian man and woman, God’s grace

flowed to generations they could not see. Every single individual descendant

of Sarah and Jonathan were not born again, but a great many were.

And they glorified Christ, advanced his kingdom, and blessed the world

in their various callings.

Remember, especially young people, God delights in pouring out his grace along

the lines of generations. Your obedient decision to marry someone who loves Jesus will be used by him to bless generations yet unborn. That’s a promise.

God shows his grace to us in promises, and also in warnings. So let’s turn now to

MP#2 The warnings against marrying outside the faith.

Before we do, I need to make a very important qualification.

There are often Christians who find themselves, through conversion, in mixed

marriages. One spouse becomes a Christian and the other does not.

There is nothing wrong with that. Paul says in 1 Corinthians, stay in that marriage.

Lord will extend special grace to you and your children.

In fact, there are a number of great men of the church whose mothers were in

exactly that kind of mixed marriage. Augustine’s mother Monica,

and Chrysostom’s mother Anthusia are just two examples.

They were pagan Roman women, became Christians, stayed married to their pagan

husbands and had an incredible impact for the kingdom of God by praying

for their sons to come to Christ.

Don’t be discouraged if you are in a mixed marriage through your conversion.

And sometimes two professing Christians will get married, and both give every

evidence of being a Christian, but one will apostatize and leave the faith.

That’s very sad but there is nothing wrong for the Christian spouse to be in

that marriage, stay in that marriage. It wasn’t a choice that he or she made.

God will give you grace and he will protect your children.

But to choose marriage to an unbeliever is an act of high-handed rebellion.

And the Lord gives sober warnings to believers who deliberately,

against the pleadings of Christian friends and family, marry outside the faith.

His warning is this: Your marriage will degrade and weaken your faith

and will likely break the covenant line with your children.

It’s a fantasy to say that if I marry this unbeliever I’ll convert him.

The testimony of Scripture over an over is that when a believer flaunts this

command of God, the believer does not make the unbeliever more holy,

the unbeliever makes the believer less holy.

This is a spiritual law that is taught and illustrated numerous times in the Bible.

The premier example that is often cited in Scripture is Solomon. 1 Kings 11:

“As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully

devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been.”

If marriage outside the faith turned Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived,

a man who heard God’s voice and promise, do you think it won’t turn you?

An unbelieving spouse might be the nicest, most decent, hard-working person

you’ve ever known. In fact, he probably is if you married him.

But think about what a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever means

in spiritual terms.

One is going to heaven, the other is going to hell.

One loves God, the other hates him.

One loves his Word and law and seeks to live by them,

the other cares nothing for those things.

One is living under the power of the Spirit, one is not.

What fellowship does light have with darkness, asks Paul.

If you are a Christian, who is your father? God is.

Jesus taught us to pray: “Our Father who art in heaven.”

If you are an unbeliever, who is your father?

What did Jesus say to those who refused to believe in him?

He said, your father is the Devil. Think what that means for marriage.

One preacher put it this way:

“By marrying a child of the Devil, you are choosing the Devil for your father-in-law and for your children’s grandfather, when in the covenant, you could have had the God of Abraham instead.”

And that brings up the matter of your children. What effect will your marriage likely have on them? What does the Bible say? Deuteronomy 7 speaks to that.

“Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.”

We don’t have time to read all the places this is repeated in Scripture.

Children already have within them a tendency toward unbelief and disobedience.

In a mixed marriage, that tendency is enforced by one of the most powerful

influences in their lives—a mom or dad.

Those are hard words, aren’t they? Warnings of Scripture are never easy to hear.

But the Lord warns us because he loves us.

Why do you call out to your children when they head out with their friends—

Be careful! Because you love them. And your concern is their physical safety.

The Lord’s concern is the spiritual well-being of you, your children, and

generations yet unborn. Listen to him.

And trust him. That’s the last point. This is such a difficult command that

MP#3 You must trust the Lord in order to obey it.

Abraham says to his servant: Swear to me you will get Isaac a wife from among

my people who knows the Lord. Swear you will never let him marry a Canaanite.

Servant says: OK, but what if I can’t get a god-fearing girl from your

home country to come back with me and marry Isaac?

Do you want me to take him back to your home country?

Abraham says No! Never do that. Never take him out of the Promised Land.

To leave the Promised Land was a symbol of denying your faith.

Then Abraham says something amazing.

The Lord will send his angel ahead of you to get a wife for Isaac.

But if she won’t come back with you, we’re still not going to leave the Promised

Land, and he’s still not going to marry a Canaanite.

In other words, Even if there is no wife for Isaac, no prospects as far as we can see,

we’re going to keep trusting the Lord rather than take matters into our own hands.

How was Abraham able to say that? There are few areas in life that are as

important as marriage and so closely tied to our hopes and dreams for the future.

The clue is Abraham’s comment about the Lord sending his angel.

Who is the angel of the Lord? He’s the pre-incarnate Son of God.

He’s the Lord Jesus Christ making an Old Testament appearance.

Abraham had several important encounters with the Angel of the Lord,

but the most significant by far was on Mt. Moriah.

When he told Abraham not to slay his son, and then provided a ram as substitute.

A substitute that pointed forward to the future sacrifice of God’s own Son.

And Abraham knew that if he could trust the Lord for salvation, then he

could certainly trust him in this matter of his son’s marriage.

If Jesus Christ has died on the cross for your sins, if he has saved you from hell

by his substitutionary death. And if God the Father loves you that much,

then you can trust him that this command regarding marriage is good.

And as hard as it may be, you can walk in obedience.

Four specific applications:

1. Trust the Lord to provide a Christian spouse for your children.

Make that a matter of prayer for your children. Tell them what God wants.

Perhaps the parents of that future son or daughter-in-law are praying too.

And if you are single and wanting to get married. Ask God for a spouse.

Husbands and wives are gifts from God. Ask him for one.

And as you do, follow Abraham’s example by saying—even if the Lord

delays or even if he decides for his own reasons to not grant my request,

I’m going to obey him by not lowering my standards and marrying a Canaanite.

2. Trust the Lord the give you boldness with Christians who are in danger

of marrying unbelievers.

Dating and engagement are such emotional matters, that it’s very easy back

off and say, I don’t want to offend this person or make him mad at me.

But when it comes to a Christian you know moving toward marriage with

and unbeliever, you don’t have a choice. You have to get involved.

You must speak the truth in love—whether it is your own children or

a Christian friend. There is too much at stake to let it slide.

This is especially important in our church. Don’t leave it up to me.

I will tell people, and I have told people, that as a Christian they can’t marry this

person, but it’s much more effective if it comes from you first.

3. Trust the Lord to speak through other Christians concerning the spiritual

condition of the person you want to marry.

There are few areas in life more prone to self-deception than romance.

Christians aren’t immune. Many a Christian has claimed that the person he

or she wants to marry is a Christian, when in fact there is no evidence of real faith

in Christ. There is no fruit. There is no love for Christ and his church.

And your Christian friends and parents can see that lack of faith plain as day,

but you can’t. Prove your trust in God by trusting their judgment.

4. Trust the Lord to redeem Christians you love who have disobeyed this

command. There are few things more distressing than this—

when a believer you know and love marries outside the faith.

Maybe you warned him. But his mind was made up, and you just have to

watch the years roll and the negative spiritual effects on him and his children.

But the Lord can redeem anything. He can bring his people back through

repentance. He can work all things for the good of those who love him.

Trust him for that. Pray for that.

Isaac married well, but he had a grandson who didn’t—Judah.

Judah married a Canaanite woman. It’s one of the ugliest stories in the Bible.

You can read it in Genesis 38. ,His marriage degraded and weakened his faith.

So much so that for years, decades, he lived apart from the people of God,

he pulled away from the church.

And he had sons who didn’t know the Lord. Instead they adopted their mother’s

Canaanite ways. Two of them were so wicked, that the Lord put them to death.

And finally, Judah sank so low that he had sex with his widowed

daughter-in-law, who had disguised herself as a Canaanite shrine prostitute,

and she became pregnant from that encounter.

Then when Judah found out she was pregnant, he had no idea that was the father.

In a fit of blind self-righteousness, he ordered her burned to death for immorality.

That’s how low this grandson of Isaac, this great-grandson of Abraham sank.

But it was at that lowest point, that the Lord came to him, and gave him

a vision of his sinfulness, and how he had squandered his spiritual heritage.

And Judah came back to the Lord, got back into fellowship with God’s people,

And the rest of Genesis tells of the incredible way he was used to heal the rifts

that had formed in is family.

And after his daughter-in-law gave birth to his children, twin boys—

he raised them in the faith, and the covenant line was reconnected.

And do you know who came from that line? Jesus Christ.

What can come from the disobedience of marrying outside the faith—

through God’s grace and repentance, Jesus can come from that.

So hope and pray for that concerning the person you love.

Old hymn says:

Let children hear the mighty deeds Which God performed of old;

Which in our younger years we say, And which our fathers told.

He bids us make his glories known, His works of power and grace;

And we’ll convey his wonders down Through every rising race.

Our lips shall tell them to our sons, And they again to theirs;

That generations yet unborn May teach them to their heirs.

That’s the God we serve. The God who loves us, and our children,

and grandchildren to a thousand generation.

A God who calls us to trust him in this, by marrying in the faith.